My mojo sure ain’t working.
This has been a bad year for me on many levels and a good one in some ways. I discovered how much of a survivor I am and how even when I have been up against it, I haven’t backed down against the howling mob of consensus reality. I have stood my ground and lost pretty much everything in the process.
I have had one spiritual awakening/download after another. I had another gigantic one a couple of days ago. An incredible one, filled with realisations and what I can only term ‘mind explosions’ as I came to realise and understand ‘God’ and the nature of reality, for me that is. It all made perfect sense as my mind and body become the unwitting cipher for these revelations.
And so here I am. No means to share these with others as they’re all so personal and tailored to my own experiences and no means to word them adequately anyhow to get across what I felt as they are in many ways ephemeral. So I am left with an inner knowing. Wisdom if you like, yet an emptiness alongside that. It’s the only word for it. A hollow feeling. A sense that I have been cleared out of all this inner detritus and although I am once more engaged with the world, everything looks and feels different to me now.
I have no need to delve anymore in deep matters. I’m just coasting along on the surface, like a piece of driftwood turning on the tide. That’s not to say I am now shallow or uncaring, just that I am tending to go with the flow and not seeking to control myself or the environment I happen to be in.
The world seems new to me, even things I have seen and known for what seems like a hundred lifetimes. I appear to be viewing the familiar, the mundane with new eyes. I am birdwatching, finding out about the plants, flowers and trees around me as well as noticing ones that I have passed every day yet seemingly never noticed before. It is an awakening. I don’t know where it will take me and I no longer need to. I want to touch leaves and blossoms and petals and as I do so I feel an interconnectedness with all things.
I haven’t spoken to anyone since I last checked in with you all. I haven’t looked at emails or text messages. I have just been floating really, a dandelion seed being carried on the gentlest of breezes. I think I am going to be away for a good while yet. Taking stock. I hope you are well. I am thinking of you all and wishing you are each blessed in every possible way you can be every single day.
I have a lot to be thankful for on a spiritual level and also personally as I have learned what it is to stand up for things I believe in even if it means losing massively along the way. I guess that’s what I meant by titling this I’ve Lost My Mojo. Mojo being a quality which attracts people to me and renders me successful in other people’s eyes.
I am happy to lose my mojo in this instance because what others think is no longer relevant to me nor does it imbue my life with any such meaning. I guess I have gone through a sort of inversion process whereby the qualities I always felt were important really aren’t and the things I took for granted are what really matter.
I’ve lost my mojo however I’ve regained my purpose. The Divine Spark.