The Unbearable Sound Of Silence

I am sitting here typing this, just 2 feet from where I laid with Xev on the morning of the 1st September 2021 – her last day on Earth and just 6 feet from where I last cradled her frail spent body before she was placed in a carrier and taken to the Vet.

Often we would be in the same room together, nearly always touching each other or the closest we could be without doing so, with her on the next chair to me as one example. She would be asleep and I would be ‘doing stuff’ and there would be no words spoken.


In that silence was companionship, friendship, love. Deep, resounding love.

Now, without her I just have the unbearable sound of silence for company and it’s deafening.

Some days, it’s almost too much to bear.

Xev is still with me, in everything I do. The towel she used to lay on is still draped across her favourite chair, as a reminder of where my friend would lay.

Time will never heal this grief because I lost a member of my Soul Tribe. The only way I can perceive of moving forward is of being to others what Xev was for me.

It’s all I can do to make sense of what has occurred.

Is it Creative or Destructive?

I had a download today. I have been surrounded by Spirit and a communication channel has been opened.

For many years, I have been caught in the Fear Vs. Love spiral, no other word for it than that. A whirling tormenting maelstrom actually. A totally unsatisfying train of thought, which I bought into because it was popular.

To find God I always felt I had to ask the question “Is this (whatever it is) coming from a place of Fear or Love?” and then I went with whatever I felt was the Love option. Of course, that’s entirely subjective.

Many people follow a hateful ‘god’ and call that love. Some people (born of a wish not to offend) will let others do things which are harmful to them because ‘love’ is spoken within the context of what they are doing.

It’s simpler. Much simpler.

Is it Creative or is it Destructive?

Is the thing I am thinking of doing going to lend itself to Creation (God) or is it going to take me down the path of Destruction (Not God)?

God is a creative force.

‘Not God/Satan/Fallen Nature/Selfishness/Arrogance’ (however you want to term it) is a destructive force.

Therefore, from now on when I undertake anything I am going to ask myself “Will this lead to Creation or Destruction?” I will take the path toward Creation and that will be my Sole (Soul) Guide.

The Body Within the Soul

The body resides within the Soul.

Unleashing My wild creativity!

the-harmony-of-the-soulTHE BODY WITHIN THE SOUL (part one of a series)Information from my soul

I could never understand how the soul could be within the body.  It has always felt way more expansive and limitless than our physical body.  Even so, everything I read has the soul residing in the body just above the heart center.

Understand that this is a concept that is in exploration phase and it is just beginning to take form. It may or may not resonate with you, and that is okay.

A few days ago I was downloaded with information that gave me a whole new understanding about the soul. From my understanding the body is within the soul, not the other way around.  The soul is no longer confined to the body but has expanded to encapsulate the body.  This is part of the evolutionary process. The soul is expansive in a way that…

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Painful Realisations

I am sitting here tonight. Sad. Tearful. Missing my friend, Xev.

All the things which I felt important while she was alive, have been rendered wholly meaningless with her passing.

What I would give now, to be with her. Totally distraction free. In the moment.

Thinking Back On A Life

I wrote this the day after I lost my friend, Xev.

I Am Lonely Without You

My little friend died yesterday. To some she would just be seen as a bit of fur. Just a pet. “Never mind, these things happen. Wait a while and get yourself a new one.”


She was my mate, my friend. I loved her. She loved me. We had a bond which is irreplaceable. Just like her. Irreplaceable. She was the love of my life. I wish I had found her in human form but you know, beggars can’t be choosers. The simple fact is we found each other and for six and a half years, we had each other.

I will miss the sound she made when she played with her toy. I will miss her bringing it to me as a gift. I will miss her cuddling up to me at night and hers being the first face I saw every morning. I will miss her purr. I will miss her little tiger’s roar – she never miaowed but instead gave a mini roar.


I will miss her smell – of linen sheets and loveliness. I will miss looking into her eyes and seeing the universe play out inside them. I will miss her squeezing my fingers with her paws. I will miss her laying on my side and peering at me from my shoulder even though it was the most uncomfortable position for us both to lay in. I will miss her markings which made it look like she was wearing a tuxedo.

But most of all, I will miss her. She stood just 10 inches tall yet she occupied a massive place in my heart. She was my everything. She was a complex and highly nuanced person housed in the smallest of frames and now she is gone. Our life together played out in an area no larger than 100ft by 60ft and yet the best memories I have ever had were contained within that space.

You will never be forgotten. If I live to be 100 you will likely be one of the last people I think about. Thank you for the memories we shared. Thank you for the love you gave. Your kindness. Your essence. Thank you for your physical presence here on Earth but most of all, thank you for the gift that was your life.

The date 1st September 2021 will be forever etched upon my sorrowed heart. I am lonely without you.

I loved you xx

This Is What I Believe

I believe everything is Soul.

Rocks, curtains, linoleum, amoeba right up to more complex life forms such as ourselves.

I am an animist. So, no external force ‘out there’ which we have to placate or pray to lest something terrible happen to us. There are no special rites one has to learn or perform. No holy books to pore through and interpret ‘correctly’ lest we encounter God’s wrath.

I believe that every living thing whether it has sentience as we understand it or not, is of the same worth and validity as the most complex organisms. So, as one example, I am no greater in the scheme of things than the tiniest snail or aphid.

I believe we each have our part to play in the journey to full realisation which can be attained by any living being which has sentience at any time. It doesn’t require special knowledge or being born within a specific species or bloodline. It is achieved by merging with The Soul. For us humans, that means shedding the programming we have accumulated during our lives. The lies we have perceived as truths.

I believe our role while here in a body is to as closely align with the wishes of The Soul as possible and so when the physical body dies, the Essence of Truth simply remains. I believe The Body is within The Soul, not the other way round.

We not separate from Spirit at all although we may feel we are. That is the brain tricking us into believing we are apart from The Soul when we are a part of The Soul. There is no merging required with the Godhead within a Chosen Incarnation because The Body resides within The Soul. All we have to do is see we are not what we have been led to believe we are by the World, which seeks to keep us from realising our place within Divinity.

If a person is Bad within a lifetime and dies, it doesn’t effect the Soul at all because that’s external to the person. They had the choice to live in Direct Alignment with Divinity and chose not to. Their passing changes nothing. The Soul remains as it always has done – Pure and Eternal.

If a person is Good and ‘dies’ then the parts of them which were in Direct Alignment with Truth/Love/Source gets added to the surrounding Divine Energy Field at that moment and this Substance, strengthens the Soul. That’s so Good eventually wins out over Evil.

The Bad die away into Nothingness, without affecting the Soul.

The Good strengthen the Soul and they move on where they can choose to either Reincarnate or to Merge with The Universal Soul and become Spirit Messengers for those who are Earthbound and have Awakened to the realisation they too are Spirit.

Choosing to Reincarnate doesn’t mean they will return as a so called higher species because every living organism is of Equal Worth nor does choosing to Merge mean they cannot Reincarnate at a later point.

All Good people (regardless of species) remain on Earth for a period of time after they have ‘died’ to show those they loved and whom loved them, that death is an illusion. They are simply on a different Vibrational Level. White feathers and rainbows on clear days are just two such signs a loved one is still here although no longer physically present.

That Vibrational Level is attainable by everyone regardless of whether they are living or ‘dead.’ Those who seek to live in Direct Alignment with Spirit/The Soul while Earthbound never lose their Spirit Connection with those who have gone before.

Those are my beliefs.

One Size Does Not Fit All

I am fascinated by religion. Just today, I discovered belief systems I didn’t even know existed until I found myself reading about them. I have always felt a need to belong to a group of people. A tribe.

Yet there is always something about a religion and/or belief system which rubs me up the wrong way, which gives me the itch and turns me away from it. There is not a single belief system I have looked into, in my 47 years on this Earth, which has fully encapsulated what I feel about ‘God.’

So, what are my options? Walk away from it altogether? Find one which gives me a lot of what I need and compromise or set up my very own religion which ticks all the boxes in terms of what I need?

The problem with creating my very own tailor-made religion will be that yes, it will reflect back to me what I am needing but then I won’t have a tribe because what works for me very well won’t work for others and frankly, it would be arrogant of me to dare to even suggest that it might.

Plus, as I develop further as a human being I might have to jettison down the line what could be solid beliefs in the present moment, making what I have put together appear as flimflam which could serve to undermine it.

I am therefore replete with spiritual notions yet with no means to harness them to my own satisfaction. One size in terms of religion may very well work for the multitudes however it absolutely does not work for me.

The World Is Incomprehensible At Times

I had to liaise with someone yesterday at a company. It turned out the person I was due to be meeting couldn’t speak a single word of English. As it turned out, they also couldn’t comprehend spoken English.

In furtherance to these two not inconsiderable stumbling blocks in our burgeoning business relationship, the person couldn’t read or write English either. They instead pointed to me and then to where I was meant to be going except I had not been there before so I did not know the layout of the business to find my way around.

I tried again however this was met with a blank look from the person in question. A supervisor arrived and then the manager however they couldn’t comprehend the situation because although they could see where this person was pointing for me to go, they couldn’t understand the person’s language.

Someone wholly unsuitable for a customer-facing role was the first port of call for me yesterday within a business setting. A supervisor and a manager weren’t able to comprehend what this person was saying.

Because the person in question is non-White, I knew I couldn’t say anything about it when I should have been able to and so I ended up leaving because I couldn’t understand what was going on and it turned out to be a colossal waste of time for everyone concerned when it didn’t need to be.

The world is thoroughly incomprehensible at times.

So Many Different Shades Of Green

I don’t know if you have heard of them or not but there are spectacles you can buy which enable people who are colour-blind, to see the world as it really is. They are made by a company called Enchroma.

I have watched many videos on YouTube where a friend or family member gives someone they love these Enchroma glasses and the reactions are beautiful. You can often see them sliding them down and back up again, to see the two worlds they are simultaneously inhabiting – the world as others view it and the world they have lived in up until then.

What struck me though is how many of the people talk about the many different shades of green there are. Not the striking red rose on the balcony beside them or the stunning yellow flowers across from them. No, it’s the different shades of green in the one hedgerow or the trees in their field of vision.

I had never thought about the various shades of green all around me. The next nice day weather-wise, I stood outside and at first all I saw was a big block of green but then as I looked, I noticed the various different shades within that. It blew my mind. Why had I not noticed this before?

Then I heard the birds. Not just one continuous background sound but all the various individual birds within that. Before then, I had simply taken them for granted because they were always there I suppose. I made a cup of tea and came back outside. The world was revealing itself anew to my 40+ year old eyes and ears.

When I have tried to tell others about this, some have openly jeered/mocked me while others have looked at me pityingly. Not one person has taken seriously what I have said, as if it’s of little to no importance and perhaps in the grand scheme of things it maybe doesn’t appear so however I feel that if more of us approached the everyday, and some might say, mundane aspects of life with renewed interest I don’t feel that can ever be a bad thing.

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